Nadal and his beloved water bottles. From Bigfish. Thanks.

Photos.

Nadal gets a gift. He may have needed it this time. Djokovic gets one too.

For both of them, it’s Murray’s opening round loss.

For Nadal, that was his stiffest test after having gone through Monte Carlo and Barcelona non stop. Murray was the only one who could have spoiled Nadal’s spotless record on clay this season even in a loss.

As previous years have proven, Nadal invariably reaches the tipping point on clay where his body refuses to follow his commands. How else can you explain Nadal getting bageled at a clay final or losing in the second round?

Whether it’s just from pure exhaustion or it’s side kick like a blister etc. Nadal turns into a helpless lion incapable of protecting his turf. 

As he gets deeper into the season, that track record has to surface sooner or later since he has made no changes despite the risk of the axe falling at or around Roland Garros.

Djokovic must have heaved a bigger sigh of relief since he is the defending champion here with massive points to defend in his attempt to keep Murray off his back from taking over his No. 3 rank.

With just 110 points separating the two now, it’s crunch time for Djokovic. Besides, that elusive No. 2 boat Djokovic has failed to board three times already may again come within striking distance with just 900 points to go between him and Federer.

Federer should be able to at least reach his last year’s quarterfinal berth to not lose any points here, barring a debacle. But the ground is already shaking to bolster more than just Djokovic to start looking beyond the horizon now.

Djokovic has been the most impressive of all four not only in his opening match here but also the entire clay season, other than Nadal of course. Just not having to ward off Murray anymore here may be exactly what he needs to play his natural game and steal this title before Nadal gets his second wind.

If you are looking for the guy with the most likelihood of beating Nadal on clay today to stay alive for the final, you have to go with Djokovic who must be emboldened by his three setter against Nadal at Monte-Carlo final.

Federer needs some strong wins to bring himself to play Nadal in the final on even terms now. This win over Karlovic in straight sets should be a good foundation to build on. But the job is far from done.

If Federer fails to put together a string of emphatic wins, just his subconscious mind won’t allow him to post a win over Djokovic in the final forget about the forehand. Facing Nadal in the final may become too much of a nightmare.

You see, when you are at this level, what terrifies you more than a loss is getting humiliated on the court, specially when you have been to the mountain top with the consistency never seen in the history of the sport.

That was ONE of the reasons for Borg’s early retirement among others.

Nadal would like nothing better than to snuff out any belief Federer has of winning the FO by pounding Federer even before he gets there. With last year’s demolition at Roland Garros still fresh in his mind, look for Nadal to go for more than just a win if he faces Federer on clay this year or a decade from now.

What the contenders looking up are hoping is for Nadal to win both Rome and Madrid, so he is left with minimum fuel to go all out at Roland Garros. Even for Djokovic and Murray, winning Roland Garros can almost guarantee a career Slam, a feat even Federer couldn’t bag.

Even if they don’t end of winning all four, a Roland Garros win will certainly push them for it like no other incentive can. Being just a sixth man to achieve that has it’s own magic.

But getting a gift is not the whole story. How many times have we seen people falter to crumble at the threshold of that palace that seemed all but certain. Both Nadal and Djokovic have to now capitalize on this break to milk it.

Guillermo Coria to retire. From Jenny. Thanks.

JENNY

Guillermo Coria has decided to retire at just 27yrs, which is no surprise really. El Mago was one of my clay court heroes, I cut my clay teeth on Guga and Coria. He wasn’t sweet like Guga, but IMO his game was just as beautiful to the eye. The dancing feet, the slender hands and fingers of a concert pianist, the feather touch at the net and with sometimes the temperament of a sneaky viper. For those who didn’t get to see him play, I hope you enjoy the following link.

Take Care, Guille – Big loss to clay court tennis.

Murray after losing at Rome. From Dalia. Thanks.

DALIA

Its been a long time no posting for me!! tried to get the whole interview but i didnt find it.
probably they didnt upload it yet..all i found was this..

29/04/2009 18:05
ANDY MURRAY: “I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN SOMETIME”

After crashing out 1-6, 6-3, 7-5 to qualifier Juan Monaco, Andy Murray was nevertheless in an upbeat mood as he looked to the rest of the clay season.

“Conditions changed a lot during the match,” said the No4 seed, who got off to a flying start before getting bogged down in the second set. “You look at the court during the first set and it was very heavy and very damp. At the end, it was really dry, quite slippy and much quicker conditions. That might explain a little bit why it was a bit of a different standard of tennis played. Maybe when the courts dried out he was able to dictate more of the points. I’m not saying the conditions were the reason I lost the match. It was just very different to what it was at the start. The last five or six days when we were practising, the weather had been damp and the courts were slow, and then it was obviously much quicker at the end. Maybe that’s where I made a few more errors. I don’t mind whether the clay is quicker or slower – it just changed a lot during the match.”

Despite going out at this early stage, Murray refused to be downhearted and took the positives from the match. “It wasn’t my best but I was still very close to winning. I’ve found ways of coming through when I haven’t been playing my best early in tournaments this year. On the clay, that’s something that I need to try and work out a little bit more. But I’m not going to be too disappointed. I would have liked to have got my run going, but I’ve had a great eight months and haven’t lost early for a long time. I knew it was going to happen sometime. I’ve just got to move on and realize that I’ve been playing much better this year than I was last year on clay and work hard for Madrid.”

Murray also mentioned some problems adjusting to a new racquet, though he refused to lay the blame on either his equipment or on the foot-fault call at 5-5 in the final set which led to his being broken to love. “I’m playing with new racquets this week – the same weight and balance but it’s just always when you get new racquets it takes time,” he said. “You have to string them three or four times before they come out the right way because the grommets are new.”

“I don’t move my left foot when I serve, so I don’t get foot faulted very often,” he continued. “If I was foot faulting, I was foot faulting. It was just quite surprising that after two hours and forty minutes we’d been playing and I had one, and it came out of nowhere. I missed the next four first serves but that’s bad concentration from me – something that I need to get better at.”

http://www.internazionalibnlditalia.it/1/News.asp?LNG=EN

Article following Federer’s match against Karlovic. From Sarah. Thanks.

SARAH

Article following his match against Karlovic:

http://www.internazionalibnlditalia….=EN&IDNews=471

FEDERER: “I WAS PRETTY MUCH CRUISING”
No2 seed Roger Federer was as relaxed in the interview room as he was on court after beating giant Croat Ivo Karlovic 6-4, 6-4 to get through to the last 16.

“I got off to a good start in both sets which is always good and kind of comforting against Ivo,” said the 2003 and 2006 Rome finalist. “He found his groove later on on his serve but I already had the break in the second, which is perfect. It was just important to be really solid on my serve. I had two close service games in the beginning. From then on, I was pretty much cruising. I can’t judge this kind of kind of a match because it’s not real tennis with Ivo because it’s all about reaction. The next match will be a different type of clay-court test. This was more like a hard-court match – just hoping to get through. It’s a real tough one to have as a first round.”

“The surface seemed fine,” continued Federer. “It’s tough to kind of maintain those courts with the rain. There’s always the occasional bad bounce and you got to live with that. It doesn’t help against such a big server I guess sometimes, because you’re choosing the right side and then you have the right swing and then it bounces wrong and then you can’t adjust anymore because it’s just too difficult. The ground underneath is harder so there is less clay, because there seems like a concrete almost under it, and then you have the clay on top which makes it slippery. In Monaco or Hamburg, probably Madrid as well, you just have clay and surfaces that when they get wet you can dig in. Here it seems not possible and that’s why if it’s nice weather the ball can bounce really high. I think from the baseline, if you give yourself some room, don’t half volley too much, it’s as good as any courts out there right now.”

“For me, it was about to getting into the rhythm and making sure that I’m in good shape for my first round. Obviously my preparation was minimal for Monaco,” said Federer in reference to his recent marriage to former player and long-time girlfriend Mirka Vavrinec. “It’s been like this a few years but the last few years I just was able to play finals over there. This year it wasn’t enough, but that didn’t matter. I just wanted to get out there and have some fun and play some tennis again in a match situation. It gave me information. I practiced really hard, so I feel better. It’s important to have a good warm-up tomorrow before the match and to get a good rhythm, and then I can really judge my performance here in Rome.”

When asked his opinion as to why seeds Ferrer, Murray and Davydenko lost on Wednesday, Federer gave a detailed reply. “It’s still early in the clay court season for some. Masters Series are tough especially for the seeds like me today. I haven’t played yet here. Some might think it’s an unfair disadvantage for us to always have a bye. But at the same time, it’s always difficult. Other guys are coming in with at least one match under their belt that they’re ready to go. That’s the danger. I guess everyone has a different sort of reason why they lost.”

“Davydenko is coming back from injuries, so he’s looking to find his form,” Federer commented. “Ferrer had a rough week last week. He also struggled here last year losing to Stepanek before I lost to him. Maybe there is something with the surface he doesn’t really like that much. Maybe it’s a bit too fast after having maybe the slow clay last year. Murray was a great match. I thought Monaco played a great match. But the draws are tough here. I think on clay there’s really a solid base of players who always make it hard for us, the seeds. So I’m happy he didn’t get me today.”

Former tennis stars now facing reality. From Sarah. Thanks.

SARAH

Originally Published: April 29, 2009

Former tennis stars now facing
By Kamakshi Tandon

Click here.

Wednesday’s funnies courtesy of ESPN. From Sarah. Thanks.

SARAH

Wednesday’s funnies courtesy of ESPN…

A Missouri Sheriff stops at a ranch in rural MO and talks with an old farmer. He tells the farmer, ‘I need to inspect your ranch for illegal grown drugs.’ The old farmer says, ‘Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.’ The Sheriff verbally explodes saying, ‘Mister, I have the authority of the Sheriffs Department with me.’ Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge. The officer proudly displays it to the farmer. ‘See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?’ The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores. Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and spies the Sheriff running for his life and close behind is the farmer’s bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer. The Sheriff is clearly terrified. The old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…..
‘Your badge! Show him your badge!’

Questions and Answers from an AARP Forum
Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you’re done you’ll have a place to live.
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: “And Mary rode Joseph’s a s all the way to Egypt.”
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you’re pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year-olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?}
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: “Gosh, I remember these!”

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. One day she picked up the urn he was in, and poured him out on the coffee table. Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes. She said, “You know that fur coat you promised me, Irving?” She answered by saying, “I bought it with the insurance money!” She then said, “Irving, remember that new car you promised me?” She answered again saying, “Well, I bought it with the insurance money!” Then she said, “And remember the big beautiful house that sits at the top of the hill that I fell in love with and you said we couldn’t afford?” Once more she answered saying, “Well I bought that too with the insurance money and I love living here.”
Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, “Irving, remember that b l o w job I promised you? Here it comes . . .”

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to f/u/c/k your brains out, and suck your t.i.t.s dry.”Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?” He replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”

Crabs
A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blond female crew member to take care of the box for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator.

He pointedly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, mentioned that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, “Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?”
Not one hand went up … so she took them home and ate them.
Two lessons here:
1. Men never learn.
2. Blondes aren’t as dumb as most men think

Confession
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, “Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic.” The priest replied, “That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that.” “It’s worse than that, father. She started to repay me with sexual favors.” The priest said, “By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.” Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question.” And what is that?” asked the priest.

“Should I tell her the war is over?”

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can’t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”, then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts j/e/r/k/i/n/g off. The worker on 5th floor gets so p/i/s/s/e/d off he runs down to the ground floor and says, “What the f/u/c/ k is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!” The other guy says, “I knew that! I was just trying to tell you – I’m coming!”

Two fleas from Detroit had an agreement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation.Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he’s all blue, shivering and shaking, damn near frozen to death! The other flea asks him, “What the hell happened to you?” The first flea says, “I rode down here from Mount Clemens in the mustache of a guy on a Harley.” The other flea tells him, “That’s the worst way to travel. Try what I do: Go to the Metro airport bar. Have a few drinks. While you are there, look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle in where it’s warm and cozy. It’s the best way to travel that I can think of.” The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next winter. A year goes by, and when the first flea shows up in Miami he is all blue, and shivering and shaking again. Damn near frozen to death! The second flea says, “Didn’t you try what I told you?” Yes,” says the first flea, “I did exactly as you said: I went to the Metro airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up to a warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep immediately.” “Well then, what happened?” the first flea asked. “When I woke up, I was back in the mustache of the guy on the Harley!”

=================== The VIRGIN
It was her first time. She put him off for awhile searching for anexcuse, but he refused to be swayed as he approached her.
As she laid back, her muscles tightened. He asked if she is afraid and she shook your head bravely. He has had a great deal of experience and his finger finds the right place the very first time. He probed deeply and she shivered; her body
tensed; but he was gentle as he had promised he’d be. He looked deeply within her eyes and told her to trust him — he’s done this many times before. His cool smile relaxed her and she opened wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. She anxiously began to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly took his time, wanting to cause her as little pain as possible. As he pressed closer, going deeper, she felt the tissue give way; pain surged throughout her body and she felt the slight trickle of blood as he continued. He looked at her, concerned, and asked if he was hurting her. Her eyes filled with tears but she shook her head and nodded for him to go on. As he began moving in and out with skill she became too numb to feel
him within her. After a few frenzied moments, she felt something
bursting within her and he pulled it out of her. She lay panting, glad to it was over. He looked at her, smiling warmly, telling her, with a chuckle; that she had been his most rewarding experience ever. She smiled and thanked her dentist.
After all, it was her first time having a tooth pulled.

Shrek, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Lopez were all having lunch together. Shrek said, ‘I have always thought that I’m the strongest man in the World, but how can I be sure? Brad Pitt said, ‘I’m pretty sure I’m the hottest man alive but I’ve never had it confirmed. ‘Jennifer Lopez agreed. ‘I’m told I’m the sexiest of them all, but Sometimes, I wonder. ‘They all decided that the best way to find out if their beliefs were true was to approach the wicked Queen’s mirror to confirm for them whether Shrek was the strongest, Brad Pitt was the hottest and Jennifer Lopez was the sexiest. They agreed to meet again the next day for lunch to discuss their findings. The next day Shrek walked up with a smile. ‘Well, it’s true. The mirror told me that I am the strongest man in the world.’ Brad Pitt followed and boasted, ‘It is true, it has been confirmed that I am the hottest man alive!!

Jennifer Lopez walked in, head bent, tears in her eyes and asked, “Who in the hell is desilu?”

Murder at Wal-Mart
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A ‘friend of a friend’ put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of ‘Artie. ‘Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn’t have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife’s insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed. A few days later, Artie followed the man’s wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor……..The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling t o leave any living witnesses behind, ol’ Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store’s security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared …
‘ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 AT WAL-MART!’

How would you like it?
A man left work one Friday afternoon to go home. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck! When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, ‘How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?’ He replied, ‘that would be fine with me.’ Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye………..

Your Hair Smells Nice

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: ‘What’s sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?’ The woman replies, ‘Its Keith. The midget.’

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won’t let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. “First, you must wear a diaphragm. “Cinderella agrees. “What’s the second condition?” “You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin.” Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. .The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn’t show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and **very** satisfied. “Where have you been?” demands the fairy godmother. “Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!” “I met a prince, Fairy Godmother he took care of everything.” “I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!” “I can’t remember, exactly…Peter Peter,something or other….”

Possibly the best chicken joke ever…
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, “Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question.”

A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimmee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it – KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town. Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress: “My wife and I can’t seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand.” The waitress looked at him and said: “Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng.”

10 Republican jokes. From Sarah. Thanks.

SARAH

10 Republican jokes…

Two Republicans living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one Republican says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away… Florida or the moon?” The other Republican turns and says “Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????”

CAR TROUBLE
A Republican pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, “What’s the story?” He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.” She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a Republican for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”

RIVER WALK
There’s this Republican out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank “Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, “How can I get to the other side?” The second Republican looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, “You ARE on the other side.”

DOCTOR’S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. “Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.” The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?”Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a Republican.” “I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken.”

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the Republican behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!” “NO!” the Republican yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”

REPUBLICAN ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Republican were talking one day. The Russian said, “We were the first in space!” The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”The Republican said, “So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!” The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian. To which the Republican replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”

IN A VACUUM
A Republican was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?” She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”

A REPUBLICAN AND HER TWO DOGS
A girl was visiting her Republican friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The Republican responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?” “HELLLOOOOOOO……,” answered the Republican. “They’re watch dogs!”

A Republican walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object behind the counter, she asks, “What is that?” The helpful store clerk responds, “Why, it’s a thermos.” Still curious, the Republican asks, “What does it do?” “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,” replies the clerk. So she buys one….The next day, she brings her new thermos to work with her. Her boss, also a blonde, asks, “What’s that shiny thingy?” She replies with authority, “It’s a thermos.” “Oh,” says he, “And what’s it do?” “Well,” says she, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. ”Then he asks, “So what do you have in there today?” “Two cups of coffee and a Popsicle