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Mom is coming down this Sunday, for the annual check up, and I am losing it. Last year, I lost all phone privileges.

Posted by tennisplanet on November 2, 2007


And on top of that, you crackheads are holding the sword on my head, for fresh meat on this nonsense site.

The freaking problem is, that I have lot more ‘stuff’ than last year, and the basement hasn’t grown in size.

I asked a ‘desperate for work’, ‘just jumped the border’ illegal alien to clean up. And he looks at the mess and the tenants, and then looks at me, and FREAKING FLAT OUT REFUSES. Are you freaking kidding me!!!!!! That’s got to be a new low for me.

This is just too much stuff, and no place to hide. Time to get a BIG carpet, and air fresheners. Thank God, mom has allergies and her nose is always blocked. Otherwise, no amount of fresheners are doing any job here.

Besides, I have to hunt for clothes. I forgot where I put them. Yes, I don’t wear them every day or week or month. Got your cheap thrills, you freaking freaks?

Also have to buy that cheap vodka, to keep the tenants ‘quiet’ in the closets, for that half an hour, mom will be inspecting.

I know TV is on the chopping block this time. I have to be on my best behavior. Parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Besides, the neighbor on the right has complained to mom, that two of his goats are missing. I really have nothing to do with it. They just fell into my booby trap. That’s all. That’s not stealing. It’s more like accepting my invitation.

They were not having any ‘fun’ with him, anyway. He is more into chickens. Hey, I didn’t choose this neighborhood. Dad did. Blame him.

And don’t turn judgemental on me, you junkies. I know all about you and your cute dogs and cats. You are not fooling anyone. Get freaking real, and come out of the closet, already, and join the club.

Oh, back to my basement. You jokers have no idea, how stressful this is. Living in a cardboard box, or in that crappy car of yours is different. This is high level stuff. You won’t get it.

Besides, I have to find a way to raise the volume on the damn TV, to drown any voices from, well, other living things around, while the freaking inspection is under way. That volume knob is broken, and there is just one small key that works it. And it’s not, lets say, easy to find.

Last year, it was found at my monthly rectum check. Hey, when you don’t wear clothes, that check up is part of your health plan. It’s the law. At least, that’s what my ‘boys’ have made the doctors believe. And my next one is not due until the 15th. What a freaking mess, literally.

Besides, I have dug up a huge hole in the middle, to bury the time capsule I am preparing, for future generations, besides other, well, ‘stuff’. After all, the ‘boys’ have to do a clean job. Don’t freaking try to get too curious here. Mind your own freaking business.

My ‘boys’ are already out, to get the therapist to live here until Sunday, to relieve all this pressure. Hey, it’s his call. Whether to live here, or ……….refuse. What did you think, you one-track zombies.

I am just stressed out writing about it. Time to relieve stress. WHAT? Time to meditate, that’s all.

You all need to watch what you think. I can read it from here. And there are enough team of ‘boys’ ready for deployment. Are you shaking yet?

Oh, I am late for my medication. See, you could have never guessed. I must be getting better.


3 Responses to “Mom is coming down this Sunday, for the annual check up, and I am losing it. Last year, I lost all phone privileges.”

  1. Jenny said

    LOL TP! That basement is a disgrace and needs fumigating! God, it looks like a scene from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre! My cat and dog wouldn’t even step over your threshold! Do I want creepy crawlies and other nasties carried across the pond in a fur coat, and invading my space – in your dreams! Forget the air fresheners, open the doors and windows and get some fresh air in there – you do have doors and windows to this depraved establishment don’t you?

    Keep churning out the muck, [sorry I meant meat] TP – The Devil makes work for idle hands and all that.. Failing that, I think you need some healthy exercise for a healthy mind, so we’re going to be asking Senors Nadal and Ferrer to put you through your paces, don’t worry, we’ll ask them to be considerate, they are kind – a few runs around your block might do the trick, like for about 3hrs or as long as it takes to complete a 5 setter on the clay.

  2. Gracie said

    Sounds more like ‘time to mediCATE’…
    My skin is crawling at the very thought of your basement, dude. I pity your computer chair.
    Did the goats eat all your clothing?

  3. bunnee said

    Had to come back and re-read this post. TP, you are strange, yet strangely appealing…

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