Tennis Planet

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Mom has set my date with the girl next door on Monday after AO final. And I am sweating bullets.

Posted by tennisplanet on January 24, 2008


No, you judgemental freaks, this is not my first date. OK, it’s the first with a human.

Now, how does this work. Do I have to take a bath? I just did – last month. What about clothes. Are they required. When exactly does the action begin? Is conversation necessary? Can I blurt out some of my jokes? You see, I never had to worry about these things at any of my previous dates. I wouldn’t at this one either, except that mom and her grandkids are involved here.

Mom wants to take me shopping for clothes including the underwear. She wants to make sure I don’t choose the one that’s too tight. She thinks it might hurt her chances of becoming a grandmother. Now, is that a good idea? It’s good that nobody knows me around town (at least that’s what I think, but sometimes I am not so sure), but still this is humiliating.

I feel my life is about to get complicated in a hurry here. Why can’t I live the way I am? I am happy and content.

Besides, does the world really need another me? Or anything or anyone even remotely connected to me?

She hasn’t had a date too. Hope that includes both humans and others. Is that good or bad? BTW her name is Mini. I am just glad she is human. I haven’t thought of her looks etc. yet. I mean, anything will be a step up, considering where I am coming from. I can already see the next Forest Gump or is it junior?

This is too much tension. Wish I had clothes on, so I could rip them apart and head for the mountains. Hey, there’s an idea!!!!!!!!!

10 Responses to “Mom has set my date with the girl next door on Monday after AO final. And I am sweating bullets.”

  1. Brooke said

    Good luck, TP. I would say be yourself, but considering what that would mean, I suggest you be someone else. Brad Pitt, maybe. Just kidding! You’ll be fine. Also stress greatly decreases your chances of having kids so RELAX!

  2. Eva said

    Dear Tennisplanet, I don’t think the mountains are for you. What about your beloved tennis, and all your fun technical equiment, not to mention dishing out your “opinions.” Maybe you like Mini, and can’t admit it. Offspring can be surprising different from their parents, so don’t despair just yet. But I wouldn’t let your mother shop for your clothes; that’s for young boys.
    A word of advice; talk comes first. But don’t commit just yet; the Australian Open is not yet over. Best of luck. Send us news of your nuptials.

  3. Jenny said

    Oh, where to begin TP! Sounds like going back to basics here. First, the bath or shower is compulsory and NOT two days beforehand, you’re not a show dog! Hair – get to a stylist – does this lady like long hair and European/Latino casual, is she the clean cut suit type, or maybe a rock chick? Do not wear trainers with a suit and get a decent and understated shirt, pleeez. Does she like the pretty, sensitive and cerebral, or is she into the machismo, medallion in your face type, both are ladykillers in their own way! LOL, I can speak with some experience on the first species, subtle but deadly, like some spiders!! Maybe she likes safe men, rather than the dangerous exciting type of the foregoing – you have to decide what you are, or what you really want to be, a chemical hit or a slow brew, in other words ladies man, or settle down type. Remember, ladies men play a dangerous game, breaking hearts on the way – not good, because sometimes they actually fall hopelessly in love, which might clip their wings for a while – karmic retribution I say! Underwear – don’t go down the Y front route unless you go for designer, possibly one of the Borg range, boxers are a safe bet and vests are a no no. I’m not into body hair, many women are, so you’re going to have to decide on that one. For goodness sake, don’t overload on cheap aftershave, you need expensive subtle, not air freshener. Finally, make sure those nails are clean, women don’t like dirty nails, bad breath and BO! Don’t make quick brutish, insensitive grabs, or you might end up with a well deserved slap, treat her like a lady, and make her laugh. Also, don’t resort to booze to calm the nerves, you don’t want to be smelling like a distillery urrgh, although a single slug of vodka doesn’t smell. Good luck TP, have a great date, and you won’t go too far wrong if you emulate Roger.

  4. Gracie said

    Has your mom ever heard the expression, “Be careful what you wish for.”?
    I mean…some people are just not meant to reproduce.
    However, if you cannot get out of the date, take a bath (but forget to comb and dry your hair), wear some clothes that are pitifully mismatched, and then ride up to her front door on one of your goats. That ought to put an end to any encouragement from her family’s end. And if you think that’s not quite enough, wear a bit of your mom’s makeup. Problem solved.

    If you are happy and content to be a basement dweller (or some high-tech entrepreneur, or a Chippendale’s dancer…or if you have so many free daytime hours because you’ve gotten up early ‘to make the Donuts’), then go ahead and live as you are. And try to find your mother a hobby!

  5. chieko said

    TP san simply go and enjoy yourself. It will be fun for you.

    BTW please do take a bath and put some clean clothes on. May be buy some floweres for her too.

    Good luck.

  6. Arbit said

    hahha……..i dont’ know if TP is as much a ladies-man as a “goat-man” he portrays himself to be…..but one thing is for sure….TP has got all the charming ladies that visit this site head over heels……and each one of your comments gives a vivid idea about what you like in your date…..anyway….this gives a bit of solace to me that in case of “dating issues” i can fire a SOS here…..

  7. Jenny said

    LOL Arbit, you sound like a bit of a charmer yourself, and glad we made you laugh.

  8. bunnee said

    are you kidding us? a date? does she/he know about this site? can she counter-punch your razor sharp sense of humour? does she care about tennis? does she read? love nature? remain unhinged during a crisis? can you learn from her? is she a good listener? hey, these are good questions for you too. but go, if you must, with this mantra:

    live & let live. live & let live. live & let live.

    good luck. but, you’ll be back…

  9. ricke said

    TP, don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Girls can smell fear a mile away-it can cause severe underarm stains as well. Be confident-or at least be good at faking it. Be yourself-if she doesn’t like you now, she sure won’t after a couple of kids are thrown into the mix. Let her see how clever you are. Above all turn her into a tennis fan!

  10. Jenny said

    Bunnee, You raise some great points. Learning from each other is an important factor.

    Ricke, I agree – turn her into a tennis fan! Mind you, I’ve never become a golf fan, despite desperate efforts from the other side. As long as there’s other interets to share. Mini’s probably just as scared too, so they’ll probably both be sweating!

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