Tennis Planet

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‘Funny’ Sunday coming up.

Posted by tennisplanet on July 20, 2009

As suggested by Alex and seconded by Sol, this coming Sunday (July 26) will be ‘funny’ Sunday.

You can submit your entry which will be rated by everyone. Winner goes on Wall Of Fame.

Anything funny goes: Jokes, videos, quotes, story etc.

47 Responses to “‘Funny’ Sunday coming up.”

  1. Claire said

    How about one of TP’s posts? I can’t tell you how many times I have REALLY laughed out loud -sometimes more than HAHA! The comments by people on this site are sometime more than funny! TP, why don’t you make a ridiculously funny post and you just might win Hall of Fame!

  2. Sol said

    Thanks TP! Nice to know we’ve been heard.
    Although I do hope this will work and people will post stuff cause me, personally, I got nothing for you. I’m just a lurker. Well, you can always blame me and Alex if it doesn’t 😉

  3. Alex said

    i take the blame.

    i’m not sure if its funny but, this is the best scene of my favorite movie

    plus, the man makes me think of TP, once his basement’s gone

    ps. Federer should dress like that for the next wimby…or Nadal (hat included)

    • Sarah said

      I didn’t like this video. I don’t get it? Why beat that old man? Senseless violence? 😦

      • Alex said

        ‘senseless violence’
        perfet, that describes ‘the droogs’

        just imagine its Federer, dressed in all white, having his payback against TP
        for all his posts.

      • jennifur said

        weird movie. kubrick was a nutbar. liked the shining best all of his.

  4. DK said

    Don’t cry! I’ll…I’ll let you win the French!… And Wimbledon too! Just don’t cry!

  5. Dee said

    • Sarah said

      Very Funny – Thanks for sharing, Dee.

      My favorite was the cat. What did him in – the beer or the cigarettes?

      I also love that song; but never watched ‘Friends.’

    • Sergeant said

      Thank you, Dee. The one that made me LMAO the most was the “Rapist search” picture.

  6. Tennis Freak said

    Did you know that there is a site called Tennis Freaks and it has a section on its front page that links to our (TP’s) entire recent posts but it acknowledges Tennis Planet?
    Check this out?

    That’s my unfunny joke for you.

  7. Tennis Freak said

    from facebook…

    Roger Federer announced: “I have some exciting news to share with you: Late last night, in Switzerland, Mirka and I became proud parents of twin girls! We named them Myla Rose and Charlene Riva and they are both healthy and along with their mother, they are doing great. This is the best day of our lives!”

    Congratulations ! Welcome to the human world, Myla and Riva.

  8. Tennis Freak said

    To your pleasure, I present a time line of Federer’s Coaches :

    ‘89 – ‘91_________________________Seppli Kacovsky

    ‘92 – ‘ 94________________________Peter Carter

    ‘97 – ‘98_________________________Peter Carter

    ‘99 – ‘03_________________________Peter Lundgren

    ‘05 – May 2007____________________Tony Roch (part-time)

    2008 Apr.- 2008 Sept.?)___________José Higueras (part-time)

    Between the gaps, I and TP were teaching him how to use a bong and play “Get it on, Bang a Gong.” Just laugh because I cannot get funnier than this, ok?

  9. Sarah said

    Nadal in hiding as Federer twins born
    Written by queen mudder
    24 July 2009

    Double trouble as Mrs F prepares to give birth Basel, Switzerland – (ReUterus & Wild Oats Mess):

    World number one seed Rafal Nadal is in hiding this weekend following the birth of dead-ringer twin daughters to Mrs Roger Federer.

    Myla Rose and Charlene Riva were reportedly conceived in Nadal’s Barcelona hot tub after Mirka Vavrinec Federer called “New Balls Please!”

    The altruistic sperm donation was then made via traditional channels following world number two seed Roger Federer’s premature withdrawal with an ectopic hernia.

    A tennis PR source said today Roger Federer “may have had a hand in it” if the conception activities video is to be believed.

    Russian tennis ace Maria Sharapova kindly provided the dubbed extra grunting to make the fertilization act appear even more realistic.

  10. Schop said

    Here my contribution(s) to the Sunny Funday competition:

    Listen to TP’s favorite song:

    Nice girls are hard to come by nowadays,
    The kind that believe in loyalty.
    I’ve been through highs and lows and yes and no’s,
    To find one to satisfy my needs.

    Well, (she doesn’t have much to say)
    But I love her just the same,
    (When others are going out at night)
    We stay in and I hold her tight.
    $19.95 plus shipping and handling,
    She’s never nagging and she’s not too demanding.

    She’s my inflatable Amy,
    Just blow her up and have your way,
    And throw her in the closet when you’re through.

    She came to me in a dream and in a UPS box,
    I first saw her through the Styrofoam.
    One look in her eyes and I knew,
    So I pumped her up and I undressed her.

    I picked her up and I spun her around,
    And I carried her to the bedroom.
    I laid her down and stepped back to take a look,
    There she was with her rubber breasts exposed to the world around her,
    And, boy, those plastic legs never quit.

    And here we have a very rare video of TP San (YES! YES! don’t miss it) celebrating a victory of Rafa Nadal!

    I wonder how this poor guy can have ample sex!? 😆

    And this is Gerard San’s favorite clothing line:
    Please place at least one order for the sake of Gerard.
    His GOAT quit too early the pro tennis tour and now Bjorn urgently needs money in order to survive! 😉

    As you know, in Tennis they play on clay, grass and hardcourt. Now the ATP is going to introduce a new and very exciting surface!!!
    The matches will be held all the way from Roland Garros to Wimbledon and the first men to compete will be Nadal & Federer. 👿

    • Alex said

      HAHH! x)!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      inflatable Amy.
      wow, TP, you also compose?

      That was very good schop san!!
      the four of them.

      the second one looks like nadal’s championship-winning celebration in the end…

  11. bluechyll said

    If you need a laugh then read through these Children’s Science Exam answers. These are real answers given by children.

    Q: Name the four seasons.
    A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

    Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
    A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

    Q: How is dew formed?
    A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

    Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
    A: Keep it in the cow.

    Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
    A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

    Q: What are steroids?
    A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

    Q: What happens to your body as you age?
    A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

    Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
    A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

    Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
    A: Premature death.

    Q: What is artificial insemination?
    A: When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

    Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
    A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

    Q: What is the fibula?
    A: A small lie.

    Q: What does “varicose” mean?
    A: Nearby.

    Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”
    A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

    Q: What does the word “benign” mean?’
    A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

  12. bluechyll said

    You are so in my bed!


  13. YMD said

    Click on name for picture goodness.
    I want to smoke whatever this child has been smoking.

  14. McLovin30 said

    This was posted on Andy Roddick’s twitter.

    very unique wedding entrance i must say. =D

  15. Stella said

    here’s my first Funny Sunday contribution
    Subject: Xmas party

    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

    TO: All Employees
    DATE: 5 December 2007
    RE: Christmas Party
    I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols …. please feel free to sing along.
    Don’t be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm.
    Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets.
    This gathering is only for employees and the MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
    Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: 6 December 2007
    RE: Holiday Party
    In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we’re calling it our “Holiday Party”. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
    Happy now?
    Happy Holidays to you and your family.

    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: 7 December 2007
    RE: Holiday Party
    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table … you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”; you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore!!!!!
    How am I supposed to handle this?
    Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap.
    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: 7 December 2007
    RE: Holiday Party
    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslin employees’ beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off the meal serving until the end of the party – or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag.
    Will that work?
    Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets.
    Gays are allowed to sit with each other, though Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.
    Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men’s table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress – no cross dressing allowed.
    – We will have booster seats for short people.
    – Low fat food will be available for those on a diet.
    – We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.
    – There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts. Sorrry!
    Did I miss anything ?!?!?!?!
    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All F****** Employees
    DATE: 8 December 2007
    RE: The F****** Holiday Party
    Vegetarian pricks I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW !! I hope you all have a rotten holiday,
    The B….. from HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
    DATE: 9 December 2007
    RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
    I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
    Happy Holidays !

  16. Stella said

    here’s my funny sunday nmber 2

    > Charley, a new retiree greeter at Walmart, just couldn’t seem to get to work
    > on time. Every day he was 5, 10, sometimes 15 minutes late. But he was a
    > good worker, really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to
    > the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly”
    > policies.
    > One day the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal with it. Finally,
    > he called him into the office for a talk.
    > “Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang on job,
    > but your being late so often is quite bothersome.”
    > “Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it.”
    > “Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear. It’s odd
    > though, your coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Armed Forces.
    > What did they say if you came in late there?”
    > “They said, ‘Good morning, General. Tea or coffee this morning, sir?'”

  17. Stella said

    and Funny sunday number 3 . It’s a few years old but I still get a chuckle out of it.


    DR. PHIL :
    The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’ side of the road before it goes after the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his ‘CURRENT’ problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.

    OPRAH :
    Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

    We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

    Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road…

    We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

    Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

    That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

    To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

    No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

    DR SEUSS :
    Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

    To die in the rain. Alone.

    Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth?’ That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.

    In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

    Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

    Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

    It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never crack or need to reboot.

    Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

    Al GORE :
    I invented the chicken!

    Did I miss one?

    Where’s my gun?

    Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens

  18. Stella said

    and funny sunday number 4
    Political Science for Dummies

    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    You feel guilty for being successful.
    Barbara Streisand sings for you.

    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.

    You have two cows.
    The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
    You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

    You have two cows.
    The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
    You wait in line for hours to get it.
    It is expensive and sour.

    You have two cows.
    You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

    You have two cows.
    Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and

    then pours the milk down the drain.

    You have two cows.
    You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
    You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
    Your stock goes up.

    You have two cows.
    You go on strike because you want three cows.
    You go to lunch and drink wine.
    Life is good.

    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty

    times the milk.
    They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
    Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

    You have two cows.
    You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
    Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

    You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
    You break for lunch.
    Life is good.

    You have two cows.
    You have some vodka.
    You count them and learn you have five cows.
    You have some more vodka.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
    The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

    You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
    You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.
    You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production

    but use the money to buy weapons.

    You have two cows.
    They go into hiding.
    They send radio tapes of their mooing.

    You have two bulls.
    Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

    You have one cow.
    The cow is schizophrenic.
    Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish.
    The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.
    The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk.
    The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
    The cow dies happy.

    You have a black cow and a brown cow.
    Everyone votes for the best looking one.
    Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
    Some people vote for both
    Some people vote for neither.
    Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all.
    Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

    You have millions of cows.
    They make real California cheese.
    Only five speak English.
    Most are illegals.
    Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

  19. YMW said

    Here are my contributions.

    Jokes With the Guitar!

    Other Jokes!

  20. Sol said

    Lol Stella. I vote Stella for all the effort needed to post all that. Although Schop is really funny too. And Bluechyll, Lol. And Alex, that was weird, but interesting. Aaah, I can’t choose, so thanks all.

  21. Gracie said


    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan!

    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Getting laid.

    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

  22. Jenny said

    lol! Thanks Gracie.

  23. Murph said

    I rear-ended a car this morning. I tell you, I knew right then and there that it was going to be a REALLY bad day!

    The driver got out of the other car, and wouldn’t you know it… he was a DWARF! He looked up at me and said, “I’m not Happy!”

    So I said, “OK, then which one are you?”

    And that’s how the fight started.

  24. Junkyard said

    Q. What do you serve but never eat?

    A. A Tennis ball.

    Q. Why you should never fall in love with a tennis player?

    A. To them ‘Love’ means nothing.

    Q. Why are fish never good tennis players?

    A. They don’t like getting close to the net.

    Q. Why is tennis a noisy game?

    A. Because each player raises a racket.

  25. Ch said

    this is funny for some people, not funny for others. I didn’t appreciate the part about scaring the dogs but then I am a dog lover, so 🙂

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