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For your amusement. From DSG. Thanks.

Posted by tennisplanet on August 16, 2010

DSG

For your amusement:

Rachel, Clare, and Samantha haven’t seen each other since high school. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Rachel arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Clare arrives shortly afterward, in grey Chanel. After the required ritualized kisses she joins Rachel in a glass of wine. Then Samantha walks in, wearing a faded old tee shirt, blue jeans, and boots. She too shares the wine.

Rachel explains that after leaving high school and graduating from Princeton with a degree in Classics, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of New York’s leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq. ft. co-op on Fifth Ave where Susanna, their daughter attends drama school. They have a second home in Scottsdale.

Clare relates that she graduated from Harvard Med School and became a surgeon. Her husband , Clive, is a leading Wall St investment banker. They live in Southhampton and have a second home in Naples, Florida.

Samantha explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Ben. They run a Tropical Bird Park in Fresno, California and grow their own vegetables. Ben can stand five parrots, side by side, on his willy.

Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Rachel blurts out that her husband is a cashier at Wal-Mart. They live in a small apartment in Brooklyn and have a travel trailer parked at a nearby storage facility.

Clare, chastened and encouraged by her old friend’s honesty, explain that both she and Clive are both nurses’ aides in a retirement home. They live in Jersey City and take vacation camping trips to Alabama.

Samantha says that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.

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22 Responses to “For your amusement. From DSG. Thanks.”

  1. Stella said

    best one I’ve read in a while. Thanks. I’m going to send it to my sister and my hubby.

  2. Ricke said

    Great joke!!!! Thanks DSG.

  3. Chieko said

    I wish I understand this joke. But thank you very much anyway.

    • Dee said

      C’mon DSG, I am waiting! Can’t wait to see how you explain this to Chieko san. 😆
      I really liked it. It was an unusual one.

    • D.S.G. said

      O.K. Cheiko:
      1. The first two girls have greatly exaggerated their accomplishments since leaving high school.

      2. Samantha has been almost completely honest.

      3. Therefore when the first two girls admit their exaggerations—–no, this is not going well…

      Samantha’s husband has an enviable attribute: his “naughty part” is as long as five parrots standing side by side. And, as RafaFan has told us in response #4, a parrot is about three inches wide. That means that five parrots take up about fifteen inches (38 centimeters) of space whislt clinging to his “naughty part.” As you can see, his “N.P.” is pretty big.

      Now, the funny part comes when, after the first two girls reveal they have been very, very dishonest, Samantha’s confession (that is, her husband’s “N.P.” is only 13.5 inches (33 centimeters) is still an enviable thing.

      • Bonnie said

        Great response to Chieko D.S.G., very tactful. Bravo!

      • Dee said

        Now, Now, DSG, You need to explain how do those parrots stand on it? Shouldn’t they be hanging down? That was the part I was waiting for. Please explain, I am sure Chieko san wouldn’t understand otherwise. 😆 😆 😆

      • Chieko said

        Thank you D.S.G. san. Oh boy I did not know what Willy was. Now I understand. I never would have guessed????!!

    • D.S.G. said

      Oh boy….Dee: I see a parrot’s perch as being on a tree limb. And I have never seen a parrot hang up-side down, except for brief periods when they are being clownish. So this is what I think: I think a parrot would sit upright on his tree limb and he would clutch it with his three talons so as not to fall off.

      (When parrots or any other bird goes to sleep, their little leg muscles lock so they won’t tumble off during their nap.)

      Banti: El guapo? Are we talking about the same thing?? If so, you must be male. 😉

  4. RafaFan said

    OMG D.S.G. Thanks! LMAO considering that an average parrot is at least 3 inches wide!

    • Sol said

      Lol, RafaFan, you actually checked the average size of a parrot?? You’re thorough.

      And Chieko san, I wish I had your innocence. You’re one of a kind.

      You, DSG, on the other hand, are as naughty as ever 😉 Thanks for the joke!

      • Chieko said

        Oh Sol san, I do not like myself too much for I missed all the jokes most of the time. I feel so silly. I think it is better to be smart like D.S.G. san. I really envy her.

  5. jett09 said

    Now I get it!! after asking Hubby what the “W” means 😳 😳

    Very funny 😆

    • D.S.G. said

      Where’s the “W” I have scanned the little essay and don’t know what that means. What does that mean? Maybe this joke’s funnier than I thought it was…

      • Bonnie said

        She must mean “willy” D.S.G. No, it was just as funny as you thought it was.

      • RafaFan said

        FYI D.S.G. Jett09 refers with the letter “W” to the one-eyed trouser-snake! Also known as mayonaise launcher or piss weasle. And real girls ask: “May I see your “W” before I say “I love you”? No? 😉

      • D.S.G. said

        ooh! RafaFan—what wonderfully imaginative descriptions! I’ve never heard those before, but can’t wait for the first opportunity to use them…

        I’m now reading a book about ants (fascinating)and so I latched onto the “one-eyed trouser snake” (all about nature, you see.

      • BANTI said

        Senor Happy, Little Elvis, Keyser Soze, El Guapo 🙂

      • Stella said

        in Uk also known as “Percy”

      • jett09 said

        Huh??? 😯

        “Senor Happy, Little Elvis, Keyser Soze, El Guapo”

        “mayonaise launcher or piss weasle”

        “Percy”

        Ummmmmm I’m guessing we’re still talking about the same topic here??

        Rafafan, one eyed trouser snake?? If this is “w”, I think this is so funny!

  6. Jenny said

    lol D.S.G – Thanks!

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