Jokes. From RafaFan. Thanks.
Posted by tennisplanet on September 22, 2010
Billy-Bob was walking into town one day wearing nothing but his gun and his boots. Just as he began walking down Main Street he was confronted by the Sheriff.
“Hey, Billy-Bob, ya mind if I ask you what you are doin’ walkin’ down Main Street wearin’ nothin’ but your gunbelt and boots?”
“Well Sheriff, it’s a long story.”
“I ain’t going nowhere”, said the Sheriff.
“Well Sheriff, a couple hours ago I ran into Mary Lou in the saloon. We had ourselves a couple of drinks and then we started to feelin’ kinda frisky and Mary Lou said, ‘Why don’t we go out to the barn?’ So we did. Then we started getting real close and cuddin’ and smoochin’ and Mary Lou said, ‘Why don’t we go out back and go up to the top of the hill.’ So we did.” He continued,
“We started cuddlin’ and smoochin’ some more and the next thing I know, Mary Lou had taken off all her clothes and she suggested that I do the same. So I did, all except my gunbelt and boots. then Mary Lou laid down on the ground and spread her legs apart and said
‘Okay,Billy-Bob, go to town’.
A young girl and her boyfriend are driving down the road one day. Her boyfriend suggests that they play road games and that whoever loses has to strip. They play every game known to man and the girl loses every time. Soon she is bare naked. The boy takes a long look and runs off the road. They slide into a tree and the boy is trapped in the car. He yells to his girlfriend, ”Quick, go get help!”
She says, ”I can’t, I’m naked.”
He hands her a shoe to cover with. Desperately she covers her ”lower parts” and runs to the road. She flags down a truck driver and yells, ”Help me, my boyfriend is stuck.”
The truck driver replies,”Honey, if he’s that far gone, I don’t think we can get him out again!”
Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave’s wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, “Did you see anything under the table that you liked?” Jeff admitted, “Well, yes I did.” She said “you can have it, but it will cost you $100.”
After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn’t, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.
Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.
Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, “Did Jeff come by this afternoon?” Totally shocked, Sandy replied, “Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes.” Next Dave asked, “Did Jeff give you $100?” Sandy thought, ‘Oh hell, he knows!’ Reluctantly she said, “Yes, he did give me $100.”
“Good,” Dave says. “Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he’d stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It’s so good to have a friend you can trust.”
Sam had been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress.
He quits his job and buys 50 acres in Alaska as far from humanity as possible.
He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded man standing there.
“Name’s Ned….Your neighbor from 40 miles away…. Having a party Friday….Thought you might like to come. About 5…”
“Great” says Sam, “after six months out here I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”
As Ned is leaving, he stops. “Gotta warn you… There’s gonna be some drinkin.”
“Not a problem….after 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of em.”
Again, as he starts to leave, Ned stops. “More’n likely gonna be some fightin’ too.”
Sam says, “Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”
Once again Ned turns from the door. “I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too.”
“Now that’s really not a problem” says Sam. “I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there. By the way, what should I bring?”
Ned stops in the door again and says, “Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us”.