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You know you’ve been doing animal rescue too long when…From D.S.G. Thanks.

Posted by tennisplanet on September 28, 2010

D.S.G.

You know you’ve been doing animal rescue too long when…

1. You have a mental list of people you’d like to spay or neuter

2. You stopped at a house with a “Free Puppies” sign in the yard to have an “Educational Chat” and your kids had to post your bail.

3. Running out of paper towels is a household crisis.

4. You not only know all the characteristics of a good “stool,” you discuss them at dinner.

5. Your checks have messages on them like, “Subtract Two Testicles for Every Four Feet.”

6. You have a bumper sticker on your car that reads, “My Golden Retriever Is Smarter Than Your Honor Student.”

7. You secretly wonder about such things as how animals can manage without wiping.

8. You have phone calls forwarded to PetSmart

9. You absentmindedly pet people on the head or scratch them behind their ears.

10. Given the choice between having your teeth cleaned or their teeth cleaned, you have their teeth cleaned.

11. You not only allow pets on the couch, guests have to sit on the floor because the dog has “territorial issues.”

12. Your husband missed the final game of the World Series because the cat wanted to watch his favorite program, “Birds of North America.”

13. Your chatroom handle is “Queen of Spayeds.”

14. You and your vet are on a first name basis and he genuflects when you enter the waiting room. His daughter, at Harvard, refers to you as “Auntie.”

15. You needed a Xanax prescription to recover from “Old Yeller.”

16. You’ve forwarded more warnings about the dangers of chocolate, onions,mistletoe, and raisins than the National Center for Disease Control has issued about anthrax and Avian Flu.

17. You wear white year ’round. Not because you are flaunting a fashion or are a member of a religious sect, but because you have a Dalmation, Great Pyrenees, Samoyed, or white Persian at home.

18. The world would never guess from your “dog or kitty-speak” that you are indeed the CEO of a major corporation.

19. You tell your children to “Heel !” in the grocery store.

20. For relaxation, you went mall hopping with your girlfriends. Your eyes pinpointed and your face turned red when you saw a sign in front of a pet shop: “20 % off all puppies and kittens,” and you slapped three security guards before they got you safely contained in the manager’s office.

And my favorite:

21. People are still talking about your spay-neuter holiday greeting from last year,”Deck The Halls with Balls of Collies.”

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16 Responses to “You know you’ve been doing animal rescue too long when…From D.S.G. Thanks.”

  1. Claire said

    D.G.S.

    Those are funny! 🙂
    It’s amazing, I get more smiles from people when I walk with my dog (as oppossed to walking alone)!

  2. Jenny said

    LOL D.S.G, loved it! 😆 I don’t think I’ve ever gone that far! The only ‘doggie’ message we have is a notice in our window, underneath the breed head study it says ‘Can you run faster than me?’

  3. chieko said

    Thank you D.S.G. san. I found that when I am not walking my dog, some people do not greet me. I think they only recognise me because of the dog. 😀

  4. M said

    D.S.G., these are hilarious.

    I have a friend with a houseful of pets that says #10 is absolutely true, given the size of vet bills these days — especially when juxtaposed to the household budget.

    “9. You absentmindedly pet people on the head or scratch them behind their ears.”

    “18. The world would never guess from your “dog or kitty-speak” that you are indeed the CEO of a major corporation.”

    😆

  5. clifford said

    Funny! Thanks.

    By the way…..(and I suppose this should be in the pets section)…I’ve posted a youtube video of my dogs Russell and Kaiser playing…

    search youtube for “Russell and Kaiser” and it’s right at the top- an adorable yellow lab and young german shepherd.

  6. xeres said

    DSG here’s my addition to the list
    When you light candles so that your dog will get better and not for your sick relative who’s in the hospital.

    I noticed this guy smiling at me in church and kept wondering how I knew him and then after the service he’s like how’s your dog and
    it came to me in a sudden flash that I had petted his dog during one of my visits to the vet,he has this adorable Lab and so I asked how’s Mickey 🙂

  7. xeres said

    Here’s Murray saying he’ll miss his Maggie while he heads onto the Asian swing of the tour.
    http://yfrog.com/ju2flj.

    Both Andys are dog lovers…Roddick’s posts about his dog are hilarious 😀

  8. Bonnie said

    Great post D.S.G. — as an animal lover, especially dogs, I thought this was hilarious and, sad to say, there is a ring of truth to what’s being said. Can’t stop laughing. Thanks! 🙂

  9. Stella said

    I once saw a sign that said ” If you don’t like getting fur on your clothes, stay off the FURniture.

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