You know you’ve been doing animal rescue too long when…From D.S.G. Thanks.
Posted by tennisplanet on September 28, 2010
You know you’ve been doing animal rescue too long when…
1. You have a mental list of people you’d like to spay or neuter
2. You stopped at a house with a “Free Puppies” sign in the yard to have an “Educational Chat” and your kids had to post your bail.
3. Running out of paper towels is a household crisis.
4. You not only know all the characteristics of a good “stool,” you discuss them at dinner.
5. Your checks have messages on them like, “Subtract Two Testicles for Every Four Feet.”
6. You have a bumper sticker on your car that reads, “My Golden Retriever Is Smarter Than Your Honor Student.”
7. You secretly wonder about such things as how animals can manage without wiping.
8. You have phone calls forwarded to PetSmart
9. You absentmindedly pet people on the head or scratch them behind their ears.
10. Given the choice between having your teeth cleaned or their teeth cleaned, you have their teeth cleaned.
11. You not only allow pets on the couch, guests have to sit on the floor because the dog has “territorial issues.”
12. Your husband missed the final game of the World Series because the cat wanted to watch his favorite program, “Birds of North America.”
13. Your chatroom handle is “Queen of Spayeds.”
14. You and your vet are on a first name basis and he genuflects when you enter the waiting room. His daughter, at Harvard, refers to you as “Auntie.”
15. You needed a Xanax prescription to recover from “Old Yeller.”
16. You’ve forwarded more warnings about the dangers of chocolate, onions,mistletoe, and raisins than the National Center for Disease Control has issued about anthrax and Avian Flu.
17. You wear white year ’round. Not because you are flaunting a fashion or are a member of a religious sect, but because you have a Dalmation, Great Pyrenees, Samoyed, or white Persian at home.
18. The world would never guess from your “dog or kitty-speak” that you are indeed the CEO of a major corporation.
19. You tell your children to “Heel !” in the grocery store.
20. For relaxation, you went mall hopping with your girlfriends. Your eyes pinpointed and your face turned red when you saw a sign in front of a pet shop: “20 % off all puppies and kittens,” and you slapped three security guards before they got you safely contained in the manager’s office.
And my favorite:
21. People are still talking about your spay-neuter holiday greeting from last year,”Deck The Halls with Balls of Collies.”