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Funny Tennis Quotes. From Sarah. Thanks.

Posted by tennisplanet on May 6, 2008

Funny Tennis Quotes

Ladies, here’s a hint. If you’re up against a girl with big b/o/o/bs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. That’s the hardest shot for the well-endowed.
Billie Jean King

It’s a lot of bling to play with. You got to have the bling.
Serena Williams after playing with $40K diamond earrings

It’s one-on-one out there, man. There ain’t no hiding. I can’t pass the ball.
Pete Sampras

The serve was invented so that the net could play.
Bill Cosby

Though your game is hardly the best you can fray your opponent’s nerves by methodically bouncing the ball at least ten times before your serves.
Arnold J. Zarett

My player box is going to be full of celebrities, too; my dad, this guy Jose Hidalgo, his guest, my buddy from SC [University of Southern California]. That’s about it. I’ll probably get an autograph from Tiger in between sets. I’ll bring a golf ball with me.”
– Sam Querrey on Tiger Woods sitting in Roger Federer’s box for their match in Miami.

“Valentine’s Day was created by women to get men in trouble.”
Andy Roddick

Interviewer: So, are you enjoying New York?
Roger Federer: It’s OK for two weeks.

Andre Agassi: Let’s see what you’ve got, big boy.
Andy Roddick: Hair.

Umpire: If the machine beeps, what can I do?
Andy: Switch it off and use your brain!

when asked how it felt when mikhail youzhny won russia the davis cup in the decisive rubber, safin responded, “It feels better than sex.”

The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed.” (Martina Navratilova)

It’s called Retail Therapy.” (Maria Sharapova, on going shopping after an Australian Open defeat to Serena Williams)

I think the medical term for the injury is ‘the bottom of my a/s/s hurts.’” (Andy Roddick)

I love Wimbledon. But why don’t they stage it in the summer?” (Vijay Amritraj during the rain-drenched 2007 Championships)

I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you.” (Serena Williams to courtside interviewer who wanted to know the content of the notes she reads at changeovers)

I don’t think anyone ever feared him in the locker room.” (Todd Martin, on being asked if he thought the ageing Pete Sampras had finally lost the fear factor in the locker room)

Pete is a step and a half slower.” (Greg Rusedski after losing to Pete Sampras in the US Open)

“Against him I don’t need to be a step and a half quicker.” ( Pete Sampras responding to Greg Rusedski’s criticism – he went on to win the title! )

I remember when Jimmy and I went into confession and he came out a half-hour later and I said, ‘How’d it go?’ He said, ‘I wasn’t finished. The priest said come back next Sunday.’” (Chris Evert, on Jimmy Connors)

My feelings are Yevgeny Kafelnikov should take his prize money when he is done here and go and buy some perspective.” (Andre Agassi)

Thanks, but no. I want to be a winner.” (Maria Sharapova on being compared to Anna Kournikova)

The Argentineans practise on the court for two hours a day, then they must practise in front of a mirror for two more hours saying ‘I’m not guilty.’” (Vince Spadea on Argentine players and drug testing)

The trouble with me is that every match I play against five opponents: umpire, crowd, ball boys, court, and myself.” (Goran Ivanisevic)

Actually, I tossed it nicely – landed nicely, like airplane. No warning, beautiful. That’s the art of throwing racquets.” (Goran Ivanisevic)

Lady, can you speak up a little bit? Indianapolis is a little far from Europe – I can’t hear you.” (Marat Safin)

Not yet. It’s my first day on the job. Give me some time.” (Marat Safin, on not breaking a racket during his first match of 2002)

If Pete’s child is a girl, my son will like her; if he’s a boy, my son will defeat him.” (Andre Agassi)

She is woman . . . I am man.” (Marat Safin, on being asked the difference between him and Anna Kournikova)

Be lucky, guess the corner, close your eyes and hope there is a God. You have to be a little religious to break his serve.” (Magnus Larsson on the key to breaking the Pete Sampras serve)

I can’t believe he is dumping me, his buddy for seven years, for a kid he’s never seen before.” (Paul Haarhuis complaining about his doubles partner Jacco Eltingh flying home from the US Open for the birth of his son)

He can’t cook.” (Michael Chang, on being asked to list Pete Sampras’s weaknesses)

They’ve lost my page. Somebody ripped it out. But I’m the main sponsor for the tour! I’m the guy who paid the most fines, so they should give me respect. There should be a page saying ‘This is the guy who paid the most fines.’ I don’t exist now. I’m a ghost, so I can do whatever I want.” (Goran Ivanisevic, on being left out of the 2004 ATP Player Guide)

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