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New ATP rules, effective immediately.

Posted by tennisplanet on November 5, 2007

 

-Two double faults in one set = $1000.

-Farting that exceed 2.0 decibel = $1500.

-Fondling ball girls = $ 1200.

-Rape not allowed on court.

-Blowing nose on the court = $800.

-Looking at porn material during change over = $300.

-Hitting the ball boy/girl with a ball = Need to have sex to appease the person.

-Cannot take bananas to bathroom breaks.

-Diarrhea on court, allowed in special circumstances.

-Trainer and massage therapist cannot be your sex partner.

-Can remove shorts after win, only if there is another short underneath.

-Drugs that cannot be detected, should be taken behind the umpire’s back.

-ATP retains right to 50% of the betting money, when voluntarily confessed. If found red handed, forfeit your girl friend at the front counter.

-Suspicious activity on the court will result in body cavity search under Hawk-Eye and flood lights.

-Words not allowed during the entire match. Use sign language.

-Chair umpire not responsible for stuff stolen from your bag.

-Security not responsible for stabbing from rabid fan. Carry your own protection.

-Cannot have more than 2 aces against you in a game.

-Poor and negative body language = $400.

-Farm animals not allowed to accompany players on court. Leave them in the locker room.

-AK 47 not allowed in the players box.

-Fans not allowed to use weapons while the point is being played.

-Cannot win three straight tournaments.

-Cannot withdraw due to injury anymore. Use crutches and wheel chairs.

-Play cannot be suspended due to rain anymore. Play or forfeit.

-Cannot talk or go to your corner, or jump or show any emotion after winning. Just shut up and sit on your chair, until the trophy ceremony is over. Any display of emotion will result in a life time ban.

-Cannot have ugly, bald, fat and old coaches, anymore.

-Ladies, are not allowed to wear bras and panties. Thongs allowed.

-Lie-detector test required on the court, if you claim to be injured, before the match can be called off.

-All towels to be returned to ATP after washing. Possession of stolen towel is a felony.

-Trophies cannot be lifted over your head by the winner, due to work-comp issues. Use your middle finger to touch it while being photographed.

-Trophies cannot be taken home anymore. Returning to the stone age.

-Bathroom breaks are not allowed. Wear diapers or bring your own container.

-Coaches not allowed on the court. They have to be locked up, in the ATP appointed restrooms, for the duration of the match.

Posted in New and revised ATP rules. | 5 Comments »